This is my first entry in a livejournal. I’ve wanted one for quite a while, but hesitated because of the stigma that I had attached to having an online journal. Having a blog is both a private and public thing. Public because anyone in the world can read it, and private because the activity is conducted from the privacy of a home computer.

I had my piano lesson today, and I sightread the Secondo part of a duet with the teacher. For some reason I kept drifting away and missing the notes. That’s very unlike me, because when I usually ‘drift away’ I just got onto autopilot and execute everything perfectly. Today it felt like a white veil of mist of placed in front of my face, and it shrouded all of my musical abilities. Even playing the practiced peices, I stumbled more than I should have, and it wasn’t from the shock of having to move from my home piano the the teacher’s one, because I’m comfortable with his piano and know it as thoroughly as I know my own. Luckily, he didn’t notice because I kept the tempo slow and I can bludger through anything and make it seem at least acceptable. It’s nice to be at that stage, where I can go from lesson to lesson and not practice anything and make seem like I have, but when I do put in the effort to practice every week and I go to a lesson like this one and everything seems jumbled and my fingers behave like a novice’s… Well, it’s more than frustrating. And to hear myself mutilate Handel’s Passacaile, when I know that I can make it sound like a blushing bride is walking down the isle when I play the second variation right– I know that I can play so much better than this, and it’s just so incredibly frustrating not the show the teacher what I’m really capable when it comes to this piece. His only complaint was that I had not picked up the speed on it, but the truth was that I had– because my fingers were so clumsy I had dropped the tempo so that my sluggish brain could actually process the music. It was downright mortifying. I’m so fed up with my playing right now that I probably won’t practice for a few days, other than the sightread.

This is the downside of being a piano player. Ah, well, c’est la vie!